Another great commander is Lord Tiger Friday-Thirty and his trusty second-in-command Roger the 7th, who came to a sad ending in battle when he found out that his trusty second-in-command wasn't quite as trusty as he had thought. After the vile traitor had shown his true colours, he proceeded to impale Lord Tiger up and sideways upon a spike, roast and eat him. May his soul rest in peace, and his body rest in pieces. Because the troops were so demoralised by this development, they broke and ran, many being killed because of the mounted warriors pursuing them.

The starting of the goblin wars is a long and interesting tale. I will now relate it to you, providing you will not fall asleep or call out "Boring!" in a very loud voice, whereupon I will be forced to shoot you with my twelve-bore shotgun. If you want to leave this site, you should do so now,, because it would be very rude to leave after I start to drum some knowlege into your tiny brains. ( Everyone being rude will die. The death shall involve peanut-butter and several big frogs. )

The story begins when the current Queen Arbuckle looks out over the battlements of the Royal Castle and is suddenly struck left, right and center by handfulls of pepper. This caused the Queen to give an almighty sneeze, which destroyed half the battlements and killed the Queen instantly. After the month-long funeral, King Nebuchadnezzer, The Grand High Robert ordered that the assassins that used the banned method of pepper warfare be brought before him, so that he may devise a fitting punishment for them. As the punishment invariably involved death, the assassins had already scarpered before the Military Constables had left the castle.
When the king heard from his spies that the assassins of his wife had fled to the nearby enemy province of Undergrowth, he had no choice but to declare war on the shelterers of his wife's murderers. He gathered his forces, and marched towards the first few enemy towns that stood in his way. At that moment, his army consisted of;

a] Sixty-five members of the Goblin Special "Dust Commandoes" regiment.
b] Twenty Cavalry-goblins of the 40th regiment.
c] Several whores, prostitutes and general hangers on to attend upon the king.
d] A small picnic basket filled to the brim with very ripe yoghurt.
e] Twenty-five tuna and anchovy sandwiches.

The first village was taken by suprise and was ripped off the face of the earth in a flourish, and the second was just getting prepared when the Cavalry-goblins fell on them. All the womenfolk were taken for the plesure of the horses, and all the men were slaughtered. A sad end indeed.

Everywhere the armies of the Goblin King advanced, only death destruction and splatterings of yoghurt remained behind. This war continued for three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three years before it was found that the Queen had only suffered a mild concussion, and that there was no need to carry on the war. With that, the King took his army ( which now numbered three ) and fled back to his castle. He had decimated sixty-three enemy villages and had eaten all of the tuna and anchovy sandwiches.