| Goblin Homepage
The Goblin Wars
Goblin Martial Arts
Morag - The Royal Popstar
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Welcome! We are a division of Species Anonymous. For links to many different sites of this nature, go to Species Anonymous, or go to the webring bar below.
Goblins are a sub-terraenian race that survive by hunting the deadly wild washing machines that haunt their lands. This might result in the destruction of the hunting party, but at least they die in a way that every Goblin envies - in battle. This means that Goblins are currently very rare, but as they breed like rabbits on a very large number of steroids it does not stay so for long.
The most horrible thing to ever strike the Goblins society is the Great Goblin War. Many valiant but stupid Goblins died because of the whims of their Kings. For more information go to the "Goblin War" page. Enjoy! |
The Ruling Family and their Various Skin Diseases.
The ruling family of our subject race are very secretive, but there is much knowledge about them anyway because various researchers have infiltrated the guarded and armoured "Great Roundhouse" to find out about the mysterious monarchy.
The king's name is Nebuchadnezzer, the Grand High Tonto, (who was thrice removed on his mother's brother's father's sister's cousin's side) of the Goblin Empire the and the Queen's name is Arbuckle. This royal title has been going for several billion years now, and as each Goblin Zodiac Year is twenty-five normal human years, many Queens have died to carry on the title. Of course, a human can kiss his ass goodbye long before a King dies. Kings live for several million years, and collect many interesting skin diseases and weapons, which are treated as the Crown Jewels are treated by humans. The most favoured are;
(a.) Tvalbard, A huge spear said to have been formed from the sacred Iron Roots which were there at the birth of the world, and which the king carries into battle (even though the spear weighs several tons).
(b.) Cornucopia, which makes you so huge and pus-filled that your knees break and you die within several million years, and
(c.) Cvolteren, a rather primitive gunpowder musket firing pellets that are specially formed to weigh more than a tonne on impact (unfortunately, it is prone to backfiring and the bullets cost a hell of a lot).
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The above-left creature is the Goblin God of Love and Eroticism – Eurakeur.
Goblins live in underground houses, commonly called "Roundhouses," and make a living by taking up various crafts to help the community. These include Cardforging (The making of replicas of the famous "Magician's Armoury" card set) and other simpler careers such as hunting the deadly washing machines that can infest their homeland.
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On the upper right is the current Queen of the Goblins - Arbuckle, one of the great Camel Goblins.
For another site from the same author, click here for Ogres Anonymous.
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These skin diseases are also the Goblins currency, but you will be executed if you are ever found carrying one of the three Great Royals. The lesser diseases (normal currency) are as follows.
I4It- There are five 4Its to a Bar, and this severe skin disease makes you grow a nice tail of buttercup-yellow buttercups.
Bar - There are two hundred and fifty-five Bars to a Bratvurst, and this interesting disease makes you grow several large Kiwi fruits under your armpits.The goblins that carry this disease can never go hungry, because they only have to harvest their crop.
Bratvurst - This is the equivalent of a pound. This skin disease makes you grow several brain cells an hour, but you will lose them in an unfortold accident as the disease also makes you terribly unlucky.
All of these diseases are terribly contaigous, but the contaigousness has to be triggered by a concious thought.
There is only one other disease that is in existance, and this is a closely guarded secret of the Guild of Cardforgers. It is the disease that gives you the deadly power of being able to create special magic cards out of a select few metals, which are beaten until paper thin and inbued with power.
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